It's been way too LONG

It's seems it has been forever since I have posted here, life has managed to keep me pretty busy and otherwise occupied, by important things and some not so important things. Last month we lost a dear friend, Brady was killed in a 4 wheeling accident on labor day weekend.. He is so loved and missed. I have been working at getting my business up and thriving, have some new ventures and some old ventures both taking off. I AM so blessed to have some amazing and wonderful people in my life.. I call them angels. I so know who I can count on in times of opposition, challenges and strife.. This past week has brought about some moments where I have questioned my very existence, my purpose and my capabilities of being a mother especially among other things. I have managed to reflect back on things I have done and not done and how I have created the exact situations that I am facing right now.. all in all another perfect opportunity for me to learn. Sometimes I am just blown away at the people and circumstances I bring into my life to teach me exactly what I am to learn at that given moment. So the good news is that I am learning!! WOO HOO! :) Ok so 2 weeks ago we brought in a new family member.. we finally named him Titan.. he is a Malamute, wolf mix puppy.. and he is too damn cute!! I know I know nothing like being a new parent to another "baby" cause honestly that is what it is like having a puppy for those of you who have no clue.. but he is learning and is adapting rather well here.. let's pray that keeps up. Tomorrow is my Dad's birthday.. and what an emotional day I have had today. Tomorrow Clayton and I are going to run to the cemetery, not sure if the other kids want to go or not, might be a good time for Clayton and I to have some time alone and talk.. Something that has been needed a lot these last few days, but tomorrow we can shift the topic.. :) Well it's time for bed and I really am wiped out tonight.. so I will baring this to a close.. Thank you to all my angels for watching over me..

It's been a while since I posted.. again.. I don't know why I thought this was going to be an easy task to accomplish.. ok.. so bare with me as I incorporate this blog into my life.. So many things have gone on since the last time I was here, not sure I can even remember them all. I'll work my way backwards and hopefully get the highlights anyway. Last night Carly and I had a great nighttime experience riding the chair lift up to the top of Sundance in the light of the full moon. It was very neat definitely a great first experience, something I am sure we will do again. We met up with some of the goddesses from the goddess training this past weekend..

Carly had to have surgery again to remove her "birth Mark" on her back. I think they were able to successfully remove all of it this time.. the sweet girl asked me to promise she wouldn't have to endure that ever again.. breaks my heart. 8-24-2010

Had goddess training

It amazes me how quickly weekends go.. So here we are winding down this Sunday and getting ready for a new week. I am looking forward to this new week, the temperatures are getting cooler and it's enjoyable to be outside during the days. I am looking forward to working in the yard and getting things prepared for fall, one of my favorite times of year. It's been a great weekend we managed to get a lot done and have a lot of fun too.. Carly and I went to the late show and seen Karate kid, it was an awesome movie, definitely one I am going to have to purchase. Kasey and Carly and I went shopping today at one of my favorite stores, Lotus.. Kasey was looking for a set of oracle cards and I was sure deserving to get a new moldavite stone to replace the one that I had lost. I learned a lot about my 'disappearing' stones while I was there and I am glad that I was able to hold on to the one that has kept 'trying' to get away. We found a few other items while we were there as well. Carly of course wanted anything and everything in the store even if she didn't know what they were for..lol so I allowed her to pick a 'couple' of her favorite items and lovingly put the rest back in it's place..

The past few days have presented some learning opportunities and some opportunities for me to make some difficult decisions, I learned and grew from them and know that these things do happen for my highest good,even though sometimes it takes a long time before I truly see how they work out for me, so I am grateful for these opportunities to present themselves. I have for as long as I can remember, declared that I deserved or wanted respect from others, however I often times accepted less.. much much less. So for the last few years this is something I have really been working at and embracing in my life, ironically it's been difficult to define, sometimes it's not black and white or I am so involved emotionally that I turn a blind eye to it. So the Universe yet again gave me another opportunity to declare what I would or would not accept..and this time I chose to receive respect..not only from others but from myself, for me "respect" has many meanings, denoting both a positive feeling of esteem for a person and also specific actions and conduct representative of that esteem. Rude conduct I also consider a great indicator of a lack of respect.. On a practical level it seems to include taking into account someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences. I might also say taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. Giving someone respect is valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, boundaries etc. In fact giving someone respect includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.. As I see it respect is something that is earned and if someone doesn't respect my feelings they don't respect me. That can show up and has (especially in the last few days)in so many ways, disparaging, denunciation and criticism, and sadly from someone who claims they Love me. It was difficult to end this friendship/relationship however I seen patterns that kept repeating themselves even with the vow of it "never happening again". So as painful as it was, it was time for me to finally walk away, leaving such heaviness on my heart. I know that all is well for me finally taking this stand and for respecting myself and I feel so much better for doing it even though I had hoped it wouldn't have had to go this far. I can only trust that this person looks at the opportunities our relationship brought for them and see the amazing opportunities to grow and learn, I know that these opportunities have and will continue to serve me well. Perhaps a close and honest look at things will provide even more opportunities to learn for them. I truly am grateful for them and want nothing but absolute health and happiness for them. I would have loved to of remained friends, but boundaries continued to be crossed and it was time for me to draw that uncomfortable line in the sand. Regardless of my difficult decision, I still and always will Love them.

Ironically "respect" or lack of respect was showing up for the kids as well, I suppose our family meeting Saturday was when the 'light bulb' started flickering for me. The universe was really starting to get my attention.. So with my wonderful lessons this weekend I look forward to this new week and am happy to say BRING IT ON!! Love you all.. and remember honor yourself, cause to honor yourself is to love yourself, Love is one of the most powerful energies on the planet. We are born with Love in our hearts, and it lives within us all. But some of us put so much focus on finding love and approval "out there" that we never get a chance to truly develop it within ourselves. We look for it in our external world-- from our parents, partners, friends, bosses, new people we meet and people we admire. If any one of them disappoints, devastation follows.

When we love and honor ourselves we find balance and when we find balance that is when the magic begins.

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.. One secret I am thrilled to of figured out!!

Well here goes another day, it was pretty quiet around the house, Kyson is with his Mom and the others were pretty much to themselves or not home. I managed to get a few errands ran and signed up for a new biz to get some free groceries. So many opportunities cross our paths that we often overlook, so I decided not this time, this one is just too simple. I made a new recipe today "chicken sloppy joes" in the crock pot, I was surprised at how good and easy they really were.. and the best part bout them was the kids loved them, even Carly which is a HUGE hit. Sometimes she like to think she is a vegetarian and well other times if it isn't dessert she just doesn't want to have anything to do with it.. Silly girl. School is just around the corner, I'm not so sure I am as excited for that as I usually am, funny thing is that this summer has actually been pretty pleasant with everyone around, which compared to years past we were all climbing the walls by end of summer. So they are all either 'growing up' or I am just plain ol used to it.. ;) Well enough for tonight, time for me to head off.. Night ya' all

3 year olds are so funny, when Kyson woke up yesterday morning I said to him "It's your Birthday today" he said "yep it's my birfday" I asked him what do you want for your birthday? answer: "gum" isn't that cute. His dad left to pick up his cake and Kyson stayed here with me, the whole time he was asking me to sing the birfday song to him, so I did, over and over, then he started to sing it to himself.. AWESOME.. way to go Kyson celebrating who YOU ARE!! Amongst those of us here, Me ( grandma) Kasey ( dad) Carly and Kelsey, Kyson's Grandpa ( Lee) Deb, and Jesse came over along with Great grandma Deanne, We watched Kyson open his gifts and of course we had to test everything out and set a few things up, he was in pure heaven. He LOVED the lightning Mcqueen hot wheels type car I gave him in one of the gifts ( he has been such a fan of "cars" for as long as I can remember. Put that video in and he sings right along with it and could likely act out many of the scenes script and all.. He made out like a bandit with tractors, trains, clothes, air guns, puzzles and games.. It's hard to imagine that it wasn't too long ago that I was holding this little guy in my arms as he slept. It is such a great Joy and feeling being a grandparent, being a parent is also priceless but without all the responsibilities of 'raising' your children you can just enjoy all that grandchildren bring to your life.. at least that is how it is for me. I wouldn't change either one for all the money in the world..or anything else for that matter.. After the party I sat on the porch and had one of the most amazing experiences with my mom than I can ever recall, we were sitting there talking watching an awesome light show going on all around us with the lightning storm that was over head, she opened up to me and said she was wanting things to be different about her relationships with her kids and her grandkids, now if you know my mom you know that this is HUGE for her, she has been pretty non existent in our lives for many years now. So without going into all the details here I ill just say we talked for many hours and I actually feel like perhaps she was able to see some things that she hasn't been willing to see for a long time.. she is very powerful herself and has created a lot of things for herself that have brought her a lot of unhappiness and pain.. I can't wait to see what she creates now.. It's amazing how "easy" life is once you figure some stuff out.. man I too was choosing hard for so long..

For years I used to search for "happiness" looking everywhere, thinking that having this or having that or going here or living there or ANYTHING other than what I had would make me "happy" then I learned that happiness comes from within.. WOW.. turned my whole world upside down. so much has changed since then and life is AMAZING!! I still experience life and "things" still happen but I look at them differently, I learn from them, I see them all as blessings and opportunities to learn from, and all the while remain HAPPY.. It's great to be where I am right now.. the wisdom that I have in my life from all the experiences that have come my way, the joy that I find in the most simplest of things.. the fact that I can choose to be happy even when there are lots of 'external' things going on around me has been miraculous.. so many things have changed in my life over the last few years, I have been empowered, I have grown, I have learned and I have changed.. I have loved and I have lost, I have developed new relationships and I have lost a few, I have embraced it all with Love and acceptance. I have met so many people along the way, some I have touched but all have touched me, some know it some don't.. I know there are no accidents and that everything happens for a reason, I have faith that all is working according to the divine plan and I am here to enjoy the beautiful ride. What a ride it is!!! Hallelujah!!

Well it has been a few days since I posted, and I have been super busy.. Yesterday Carly and I had a all girls day at lagoon, it was a blast, we arrived early afternoon and her and I had a blast just riding one ride after the other, it was great to get on one ride and go right back and get back on it again. A little later on Michelle and her girls arrived there to join us for our all girls day at lagoon. It was great to see those 3 little girls so excited to ride the rides, they had so much energy and they enjoyed every minute of it. Kasey and Colten went fishing with their dad today, I was actually surprised that Colten went as he has declined so often all the times before to go. He said he had fun and actually caught some fish.. woot woo go Colten.. Today is Kyson's 3rd Birthday.. I can not believe that this little guy is 3 years old already. I am not totally sure all of what his dad has planned but looking forward to it. Kyson has already asked me to sing him the "birthday song" 3 times already, first time I didn't get it quite to his liking and I had to do it over.. lol I think I didn't have enough musical tune going on. Well I am off maybe I can update the day's festivities later on..

Today has been a pretty awesome day... The kids and I all woke up fairly early, considering how late we all stayed up, after my morning meditation we got right after the chores on the chore chart, everyone was working and we finished everything on the list and then some. We had an afternoon thunderstorm roll in that was pretty cool, the rain drops were gigantic..and the kids were all amazed at the watermarks they were leaving on the concrete, it didn't rain long but the summer storm for sure gave the ground a good soaking which was great for the lawn and garden. Carly walked the dogs and spent some time with some "boys" she met this past week in the neighborhood, who have apparently taken a fancy to both Carly and the dogs, I suspect they like the dogs cause they chase them boys while they are riding their skateboards. They better not fancy anything about Carly other than she is the keeper of the dogs.. or there will be you know what to pay.. :) I suspect she is going to have a difficult time dating once she reaches the "dating" age.. isn't that like 30? ;) Between her brothers and myself I am sure boys will have a hard time getting close enough to her to even think about asking her out on a date.. :) Carly came home a short while later with zeus (Clayton's Black Lab) the two of them have been inseparable since Clayton brought him home. Of course he thinks it's "home" here and makes himself pretty comfortable once he gets here. But with the menagerie of "animals" we have here, he sorta just fits right in.. In fact if he isn't biting at your feet, chasing you around the room or 'trying' to play with the cats, we hardly know he is here. Kelsey, Colten and myself messed around and had some good laughs and talks, although if you ask them I am sure "chatting" it up with their mom wasn't the highlight of their day, except for when the topic of dinner came up.. ;) I swear I should run these boys in and have them checked for tapeworm, hollow legs or something, they can eat non stop and don't gain an ounce!! Kelsey was up for making dinner tonight and I had no objections to that. Although he was a little unsure about how much dry spaghetti it would take to feed us all, and asked AFTER he had put it all in the pot, needless to say we may have spaghetti all week. :) At least they all like it, well right now anyway, so I am going to have to make a cookbook on 7 ways to use up leftover spaghetti if I slide through all the leftover spaghetti that is now sitting in the fridge..

Carly and I set up the game that we were all going to play after dinner. Kelsey did a good job on dinner (even though he made enough for the block) and even Kasey pitched in with making some garlic bread. For me dinner always tastes great when someone else makes it :) It was hilarious for all of us to watch Kyson devour his spaghetti, the boy was slurping it up, honestly at one point I wasn't sure why he was even using a fork. Clayton stopped by to pick up his 'child' and visited for a short while, it was perfect timing as we had just finished dinner and were just sitting down to play the games.. Rummikub was my pick and I killed em. Carly claims she is still figuring it out, but I know she has won many times before.. Nice try though Carly. :) After that we had a friendly competition on the wii, I just love that thing.. Bowling is my favorite, and Carly's is the cow jumping game. The boys prefer the 'hunting' and war games, although they are good sports about a few games of bowling on occasion. So the night has wound down and the kids are just finishing up their movie and Colten is sleeping so he can go back to work tonight. I am so grateful for the many blessings that each day brings us, I am so blessed to have such peace in our home and have such great kids.. (most of the time.. ;) No honestly I am one proud momma!! Don't get me wrong our family is like no other, we can be loud and crazy and behave like we hate each other at times. But no matter what, everything we have is because of who we are and what our family is and at the end of the day, we LOVE each other.

Here we are day 1 of my new blog.. I decided that creating a blog would make it fun and interesting to do my journaling and also be something not only fun to create but something for my children and grandchildren to look back on over the years. What a fun way to jot down what is happening in our lives.. So here it goes!!!

To live a

successful life

does not require

money, fame, power, prestige,

or status symbols…

It’s more a matter of

being true to your beliefs and principles,

doing your best,

even in the smallest of things,

and never taking for granted

the simple joys in life--

such as laughter, a perfect day,

or a loyal friend.

For all the money

in the world

can’t buy self-esteem, character,

contentment, love, or happiness--

and these are the very things

that make life worth living.